Wolfpaw tipped his head up to the sun, feeling the heat on his facial fur. The snow was cold under his paws, creating a stark contrast to the warm sunlight. He took a deep breath, smelling the frigid winds that carried the scents of his Clanmates.
The medicine cat apprentice had been brought above ground by Pounceshade and Lynxsmoke as the pair sparred in the endless sunlight of greenleaf. He loved the feeling of the sun, the wind in his fur, and the cold, crisp air that filled his lungs.
Moonshadow, Ravenstrike, Nighthaze, and Ospreyfeather had been named warriors the night before and, as tradition, they went to the Star Flame to burn an offering for StarClan. Wolfpaw silently wondered if they would accept the four brothers, born and raised in bloodshed.
Sighing, Wolfpaw got to his paws. It’s not your place to worry about that. StarClan would judge them however they wished, even if the toms didn’t deserve it. Cruel as they always were, they had little love for the cats down below unless they were important.
“You shouldn’t degrade your ancestors like that, Wolfpaw.” Whiterose scolded gently. The ghostly she-cat sat beside Wolfpaw, a spot of light against his otherwise blind vision. “You know that’s not true.”
“You know it’s not wrong either.” Wolfpaw shook his head and turned away. “Lead me back to the camp. I want to sleep.”
Whiterose sighed behind the apprentice and padded ahead. “Come on, then.” After they walked a little way, the she-cat using her tail to stop Wolfpaw from bumping into the ice tunnels, she spoke again. “You’re overusing your powers, Wolfpaw. You’re going to fall apart.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Wolfpaw snapped, feeling the familiar irritation come back to him. “Do we always have to have this conversation?”
Whiterose’s sigh echoed around the ice cavern, alerting Wolfpaw to the fact they had reached camp. There was no sound but Frozenkit’s soft snores and the occasional scrape of teeth on bones – it seemed most of the Clan was out hunting, with Larchspeckle and Snowspots remaining behind to carve bones.
Wolfpaw stepped past Whiterose then, using the echoes of the cave to help him find his way back to his den. I just want to sleep. He thought grimly, then laughed bitterly at the irony of the wish. Not that I can anymore.
As the apprentice settled down in his nest, he remembered the time, back when he was a tiny kit who still breathed and played, when he would cuddle up with his brother and sleep. He sighed and curled into a ball, hiding his face with his tail. I wish I could go back. The bitter, ever-present resentment filled him again.
“You can’t.” A voice made Wolfpaw look up. It was Sagewatcher, the first Sage and medicine cat of FrostClan. The tom, missing his eyes just as Wolfpaw did, was standing in a field of delicate pasqueflowers.
“So I’m already here.” Wolfpaw shook his head and turned away from Sagewatcher, peering into the mist that circled the flowering meadow. “I’m going to visit Barkbreath.” He felt the intensity of Sagewatcher’s eyeless gaze on his back for a long moment, but the ancient tomcat didn’t say anything more.
Wolfpaw shook his head and plunged into the mist, racing as fast as his paws would carry him. “Barkbreath!” He called, feeling the tug of the old tom’s dreams. Good. He’s asleep.
Soon the mist fell away and revealed a star-filled swamp. It was the territory of MangroveClan’s ancestors, one Wolfpaw only walked a few times. Cats turned to stare at him, some full of pity and others full of rage that he would intrude. He ignored them all.
As Wolfpaw was searching, a voice called out, “You shouldn’t be here.” Copperstar, the old leader of MangroveClan, materialized in front of the apprentice. The once-proud leader was now full of regret, his shoulders sagging in defeat.
“You shouldn’t have done a lot of things,” Wolfpaw said impatiently, looking around. “I’ll tell Pineleap you said hi.” He leaped past the leader, seeing the old tom flinch as he passed, but had no time to feel bad for what he said – nor would he, if he had the chance.
Before long, the apprentice found Barkbreath. The tom was talking to a pretty gray and white she-cat who spoke with intense urgency. Her voice even carried to Wolfpaw where he was hiding among the underbrush.
“Beware, Barkbreath!” The she-cat said, her voice bordering on frantic. “Beware their lies. They’re traitors, killers, they want to destroy you as they destroyed us!”
“Who?” Barkbreath replied, clearly bewildered. “MarshClan? The ones who walk the dark forest?”
“No! Them! The liars, deceivers!” The she-cat said, her tail lashing.
“Ibiseye, I don’t understand! Please, tell me what’s wrong so I can help.” Barkbreath begged. Before the she-cat could respond, inky blackness began spreading. It shriveled the plants, soiled the water, and caused the birds to fall silent.
Wolfpaw cursed silently to himself when he realized the blackness was coming from him. It slowly turned the dream into Barkbreath’s nightmare. The starry cats disappeared, and a taunting voice said, “Are you afraid? StarClan doesn’t want you anymore, Barkpaw.”
Barkbreath gasped and suddenly Wolfpaw was standing in mist. He… woke up. The apprentice felt a profound sense of sadness well up inside him. His mere presence had turned Barkbreath’s dream – most likely something important – into something so terrible that the tom had to force himself awake.
“It’s time to wake.” Sagewatcher’s voice was beside Wolfpaw. The apprentice, used to the first Sage’s random appearances, didn’t flinch.
“Can’t I stay a little longer?” Wolfpaw sighed. “I think I need to know what that cat was trying to tell Barkbreath.”
“It’s time,” Sagewatcher said urgently. “Before you lose yourself.”
Wolfpaw knew the ancient tom was right – he could feel the tug from his body grow fainter every heartbeat. Still, he felt the utter unfairness crash down around him. “What if I want to lose myself?!” He shouted at Sagewatcher. “I’m barely hanging onto a body that’s falling apart! What if I want to stay here?!”
Sagewatcher’s calm expression didn’t change. “Once you gain better control, your body will remain as it has been. Let me train you.”
“No.” Wolfpaw’s answer was immediate. “You didn’t warn me about this before I pledged myself to you. What else are you not telling me?”
“Wolfpaw, it’s time to wake.” Sagewatcher stood and turned to walk away. “Don’t resist the call too long.”
The tom shook his head, watching the first Sage fade away, then started heading back to his own body.