Blizzardstar dug his claws into the stone, his vision darkening as image after image flashed before his eyes. He was trapped, tormented to witness the trauma time and time again. The crimson blood smeared across the forest floor… The metallic tang that hung in the air… And the crack. The bone-chilling crack that rung in his eardrums, branded deep into his brain. Honeyblaze, no!
“Blizzardstar?”
Kestrelripple’s gentle voice made the leader snap back to reality. There was no stench of blood, no mangled bodies lying lifeless around him. He was back in his den, on his soft nest with the scent of flowers clinging to it. Heart pounding in his chest, he forced himself to look at the she-cat.
“I’m fine,” he replied dismissively, “It’s late, you should rest-”
“Look, Blizzardstar… It wasn’t your fault.” Kestrelripple looked so caring, so… pitying that something in Blizzardstar cracked.
“I don’t need your empty words!” The tom shouted, surging to his paws. “I should have protected them! I should have been in front, protecting my Clanmates!” He was breathing heavily now. “What’s the point of having nine lives if I can’t save anyone? What’s the point of trying to survive when all we do is die?!”
If Kestrelripple was surprised by Blizzardstar’s outburst, she didn’t show it. “How could you have protected them? StarClan gave you more lives, yes, but did they make you stronger than a coyote, faster than a wolf?”
“But-”
“Do you really think StarClan would want you to mope in your den all day, agonizing about things you couldn’t have prevented?”
“I could have!” Blizzardstar turned his back on Kestrelripple, staring blankly at the back of his den. “I shouldn’t have had Honeyblaze come along. She should have stayed at camp.”
“Blizzardstar,” Kestrelripple’s voice was soft, “someone else would have gotten hurt.”
The tom stayed silent. In his heart, he knew Kestrelripple was right, but it didn’t make the ache go away.
A warm presence at Blizzardstar’s side made him look over. Kestrelripple had sidled up to him, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder. “It’s alright.” She murmured. “You hurt for your Clan, that’s understandable. It means you’re a good leader. But do you think this is what Honeyblaze wanted? Do you really think she would want you to be upset for her?”
Blizzardstar thought of the young fiery she-cat and could almost hear her calling him mousebrain! A laugh was wrenched from his throat, almost in spite of the despair in the tom’s heart. “I don’t think she’d like it in the slightest.”
“Honeyblaze would be insulting you all day.” Kestrelripple agreed. “No one could get her under control. It took all of the patience I had to keep from claws her ears off.”
Feeling himself relax, Blizzardstar laughed a bit more. “Remember the time she decided to chase after an owl that took her rabbit?”
“She sure was surprised when it turned and attacked her instead!” Kestrelripple purred. After a moment, her eyes darkened. She seemed sad now, so sad that it almost broke Blizzardstar’s heart. “I miss her too,” the she-cat whispered, “but it’s better to remember the happy stuff, right?”
I’ve been so selfish. Blizzardstar realized suddenly. Kestrelripple had been Honeyblaze’s mentor in a time where mentors had to be parents as well. She probably missed the young she-cat more than anyone else. And I’ve been here moping.
“I’m sorry,” Blizzardstar said, leaning against Kestrelripple. “I should be the one comforting you, but look at us. You have to come in here and tell my sorry tail to get up and move on. I’m supposed to be your leader, not a kit who was told there’s no more milk.”
“It’s always good to show emotion, Blizzardstar.” Kestrelripple chided gently, her eyes soft and encouraging. “That’s how we know you’re still alive.”
Blizzardstar sighed and closed his eyes. “… thank you, Kestrelripple.”
“That’s what I’m here for.” Kestrelripple murmured. “We’re all one Clan, right?”
“Right,” Blizzardstar replied, slowly drifting to sleep under the methodic grooming of Kestrelripple’s tongue.
[Break]
“Blizzardstar,” Kestrelripple stuck her head into the leader’s den, her eyes shining. “Mapleshine says the borders have been marked. Nothing out of the ordinary.”
The tom twitched his whiskers. “Good. Everyone’s been jumpy since DawnClan disappeared.” He stood and stretched out, letting his tense muscles relax. “Well, I might as well hunt. Will you come with me?”
“I will always go with you.” Kestelripple’s words were calm and full of love.
Blizzardstar’s heart was filled with matching adoration. The she-cat had been by his side since Honeyblaze’s death. They’d shared each other’s worries and sadness until there was no more, and Blizzardstar had found love had replaced his earlier rage and sorrow.
Standing, the tom brushed against Kestrelripple and twined his tail with hers. “I would love nothing more.”